What’s meant for you, will come. What’s not meant for you, will go. This always sounded too easy to me.
For the longest time, finding what was “meant for me” felt difficult.
Trying to find hobbies that excited me, workouts that kept me motivated, friendships that inspired me, workplaces that aligned with me, and so on, wasn’t easy.
Over and over again, these things would naturally (or abruptly) fall away and exit my life, whether intentional or not. I realized it was because none of it was meant for me. It served a purpose for me to grow, but ultimately it was not for me.
And sometimes, finding what’s meant for can take a long time.
But when it does arrive, it sticks and you know it’s meant for you!
It’s that trust that the right thing will come and then having the patience to wait for it.
And my goodness, do I struggle with patience! I want security, validation, comfort, and all that sense of safety NOW! But it doesn’t work like that.
I’ve had to learn to identify when something isn’t meant for me and then be active in leaving it, rather than having it push me out (because choosing to leave feels MUCH better than being pushed out).
I’ve had to be patient for these things to come. To wait for what is meant for me and then, to know the feelings associated with that.
What are these feelings? How do I KNOW it’s meant for me?
I used to overthink this and try to put a “form of assessment” around it.
Questions like:
Am I completing tasks efficiently? Are people validating me in this? Am I developing and growing to benefit a societal goal I should be adhering to?
All these were questions that measure success, ability, approval, and an upward trajectory.
But when the great opportunities would come to me and I identified they were meant for me, I began to realize I didn’t need this checklist to validate that it was definitely for me.
It was much more simple than that.
The only question I had to ask was: Is this easy?
Yes! That’s the answer I needed. What’s meant for you should feel easy.
I should be able to get into the activity and feel like time stands still, but somehow hours could also fly by because I’m lost in it and enjoying myself.
It should make me feel energized after completing a task/activity associated with it.
It should feel easy to express myself and speak my truth.
There’s no need for constant validation because internally I am satisfied with my work and proud of myself.
I don’t feel empty after it, wondering if there’s something more I should be doing.
It should just be easy.
This applies to anything: hanging out with a friend, enjoying a hobby, working, working out, having a conversation, etc.
But the more experiences I had where the more the right things came into my life, the more I realized that’s true. It should be easy.
Why would I continue to willingly be involved in something that’s hard? That’s constantly fighting me back and making me feel less than when I originally started.
When I say hard, I don’t mean like trying to learn a new skill and it’s challenging–those types of “hard” come with everything in life. But what I do mean is an area of your life, like a relationship or work or a hobby, that’s hard.
Something that just feels so hard to do, it feels draining, and might honestly even repel you from it.
You know those moments where you push and push, you give it your all, and it still feels like everything is pushing back and you’re going nowhere?
It could be a relationship with someone whose values are different from yours and, no matter what you do, something just doesn’t feel aligned. Or a job that feels like it’s just not right for you and, no matter how much you try, the environment just doesn’t gel with you. We’ve all had these moments.
That’s what I mean. That’s when it’s hard. It’s not small hard moments, like doing a single difficult task or pushing through learning new skills, it’s the accumulation of everything that just consistently makes it hard.
And the thing is, it shouldn’t have to be so hard.
I’m coming to realize this the more, the more I get aligned with things that are meant for me. I’m no longer feeling this accumulation of “hard.”
This used to be my thoughts throughout the day:
I can’t workout this morning because it’s too hard and I’m tired.
I’m struggling to get along and collaborate with my coworkers–it just feels too hard to get on the same page.
Making dinner tonight just feels too hard–it's boring and I’ll just throw something together.
I can’t be bothered to do my hobby this evening because it’s just been too hard of a day.
And on and on.
It used to be where everything felt too hard and so I’d end up holding back or not doing it all together.
Now my day goes more like:
It will be easy to workout this morning because I like the class I signed up for and I already committed to a friend I’m going with.
It’s easy to get along, communicate effectively, and collaborate with my coworkers–we’re on the same page.
Making dinner tonight will be fun–I experiment and put together something I enjoy that’s easy for me.
It’ll be easy to do my hobby this evening because I enjoy it and it will be a great way to end the day.
I’ve made things easier for myself by doing things I like to do, by having accountability with people I like, by giving myself variety, and by changing my overall mindset.
I found out what works for me. I look forward to the things that are meant for me!
And I’ve been quicker to remove myself from situations that do feel like they’re not meant for me. Instead I’m doing what feels natural to me, what aligns with me, and there’s no more consistent resistance.
Otherwise you get trapped in stress. If you’re constantly experiencing resistance in your hobbies, relationships, work, and mindset, it means too much resistance is accumulating.
Resistance = Stress
A small amount of resistance builds adaptability, expands your skills and mindset, challenges you. It’s healthy.
A large amount of resistance eats at you, leaves you feeling negative and tired, takes you further away from being your best self. It’s unhealthy.
We have to find that balance. And at some point, things that build up too much resistance and aren’t meant for you will be repelled from your life.
So, why not let it happen on your terms? Remove those things from your life now and change course rather than waiting for it to kick you out.
That’s what I used to do. I would hold on for dear life to things thinking I could make it work, thinking it could get better, giving my all just to get more and more stressed, paranoid, upset, anxious, frustrated, negative. Then, eventually it would kick me out and I would immediately feel better and think, Why the hell did I willingly stay in that!
You have control. It doesn’t have to be this hard.
All this stemmed from a song I created this past week while experimenting in Ableton and preparing for a women’s production course I’m taking (it just kicked off and I’m so excited!).
I made a beat and melody completely in the flow state–not questioning it and just letting whatever naturally came to me be created.
I had beautiful instrumentals and a sound that really resonated with me. I felt like something was missing–vocals.
So, I jumped in, turned on the mic, and sang the first thing that came to mind.
It was:
If you only wanted me.
If you only wanted us.
If you only wanted this.
I know that we would be the greatest.
It doesn’t have to be so hard.
It doesn’t have to be…
This came to me and my first thought was, why am I writing some love song about a difficult relationship? That doesn’t actually relate to me.
Then it hit me, the third time listening to it, OOOHHH. It’s about EVERYTHING!
My mindset at the start of so many things that aren’t meant for me–a new job or a new friendship.
I would start out thinking, We could be so great if only X, Y, Z. If only they wanted this like I did. If only we worked together like this... Thoughts like that, as if we’re so close to being right for each other.
All that to realize, oh, it wasn’t meant to be! It shouldn’t ever be this hard!
So the song for me is around anything in life that feels too hard. Where I feel like I’m in constant resistance. It shouldn’t be this way. So I’m moving forward with this reminder:
It doesn’t have to be so hard and, if it is, it doesn’t have to be.
Nothing should be forced or too hard, things should flow with just the right amount of effort. Check out the song I made. I recommend listening with headphones! Enjoy!
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